Gay Marriage

Gay Marriage:
Currently there is a bill in front of New Jersey legislators that in my opinion does not have a chance of being signed into law. That bill is to legalize same sex marriage in New Jersey, just as they have in Connecticut, Massachusetts and of all places Iowa. I as a gay man who recently got married in the State of Connecticut feel it is my duty as a gay man and as an American to speak up.As it stands at the time of this writing, this bill must be voted on by the Senate, and then if approved, must move on and be passed by the Assembly. Given that the Assembly is not scheduled to go back into session until January, this bill, even if passed by the Senate and the Assembly has little if any chance of getting signed into law as Governor Elect Chris Christie has made it clear that he will not sign the bill into law.The issue of gay marriage seems to be a very hot topic in the United States these days and a recent Gallup poll found that 57% of Americans are opposed to gay marriage, yet according to a poll by CNN, 57% of Americans support civil unions. It seems to me that we Americans are hung up on a simple case of semantics. There is seems to be growing support among Americans for gays and lesbians to have equal rights, but for some reason, heterosexual people want to hold on to the term “marriage” for themselves. Given that up to 41% of heterosexual marriages end up in divorce, it’s not like you guys are doing such a bang up job at marriage yourselves. A lot of people reading this might think “what is the big deal, if a civil union grants you the same rights as a marriage, why not take the deal”? Well at the age of 48, I don’t want to play Let’s Make A Deal and I feel that I have the right to hear the words “I now pronounce you united in marriage” just like heterosexuals do.The anti gay marriage lobbyists have been running ads on television and the radio stating that gay marriage affects everyone, that if gay marriage laws are passed, our children will be forced to hear stories in school that is okay for a prince to marry a prince. This is nothing more than a fear tactic that was used back in the late 70’s by anti gay rights crusaders like Anita Bryant, who felt that if gay men and women were allowed to teach in public schools, we would poison their minds. I can’t speak for everyone, but personally, I don’t want to talk about my sex life to anyone other than my closest friends, let alone a class room filled with second graders. The truth is, in New Jersey, parents have the right to approve the curriculum being taught in school.If anyone were to argue that kids are growing up too fast today I would be the first to agree. I would never want the responsibility of raising a child in today’s society, but why is that Americans will allow their children to listen to Britney Spears, watch her videos (not to mention her off stage antics that are often caught by the paparazzi), but don’t want gays to have the right to say “I do” and hear the words “united in marriage”Of course there are always the right wing religious zealots who believe that all homosexuals are going to hell based on the book of Leviticus. Well if we are going to use the Old Testament as a reason to deny a group of people rights, well while I am not a biblical scholar, I do know there is a little clause in the Book of Leviticus that states that eating pork is a sin along with any shellfish, so do we now deny pork loving lobster eating Americans their rights? I know in my heart of hearts that nothing I, or anyone can say to the religious right that is going to change their mind. They have their right to believe what they want to believe, but I was under the impression that one of the keystones of America was the separation of Church and State.Then there is the group of Americans who believe that marriage is a “sacred union between a man and a woman”. Yet, this sacred union is made an absolute mockery of by heterosexuals all the time. Pick up the newspaper on any given day and you can read about the latest Hollywood couple to divorce. Do you realize that Zsa Zsa Gabor has been married nine times? Mickey Rooney and Elizabeth Taylor are tied at eight times and how about that Tiger Woods and his mistresses? In addition, Americans are willing to watch a television show like the Bachelor, where 12 bimbos vie for the affections of one man and after 12 weeks they are engaged? Yet someone like myself, who spent twenty years with a man, helped him to raise a child who suffered from fetal alcohol effects, dealt with his chronic illness (Len had Chrone’s disease and then a subsequent liver transplant) was not able to marry him? For the record, Len died on March 17, 2008, my 47th birthday, at work, in the high school where he was principal.Len’s death devastated me and it nearly killed me too. I came very close to dying of a broken heart, but fate intervened and God sent me someone who literally saved my life. Mike, or “Ronca” as I call him (Ronca is his last name) and I got married on October 16, 2009 in Connecticut. It was a very simple ceremony, just one of our friends was in attendance but I have to tell you how good it made me/us feel to fill out a marriage license application, get married, hear the words “I now pronounce you united in marriage”.When the service was over, the justice of the peace asked us if we felt any different. We both paused and almost simultaneously answered “yes, we feel more bonded, more connected, we feel like we have taken our relationship to the next level”. The Justice of the Peace then informed me that he asks everyone he marries that question, and that our answer was almost universal.While my marriage is not recognized by the federal government and the only benefit that Ronca and I will get from being married is that I can now put him on my health insurance at work, I feel more whole, I feel more connected, I feel “married”. To me, marriage has nothing to do with who you love, but how you love. Marriage is sticking it out when things get so tough that it would be so much easier to just throw in the towel and bolt, but you don’t, because you know you just could not live your life without that other person. Marriage is raising a child with fetal alcohol effects who is putting a strain on your relationship that most people, gay or straight could not endure, and sticking it out and doing the best you can because you just can’t bear the thought of living without that person.So while I have little if any hopes of seeing gay marriage passed in New Jersey, I can say that I am married, and nobody will ever take that away from me. Len, thanks for twenty of the best years of my life, and Ronca, here’s to making the next twenty just as good if not better.